Everyone told me to use a VPN to protect myself from tracking online and I know that staying safe online is an ever growing difficulty and I could be exploited by hackers. [REDACTED] allows me to change my IP address, making me harder to track, securing my privacy.

• The average privacy concious person

So, there you were, trotting through the Interweb Forest, feeling pretty good about yourself. You’ve got your Veil of Privacy draped fashionably over your shoulder, and you’ve just left the Temple of [REDACTED] feeling invisible. Oh, the sweet taste of online anonymity!

You’re ready to joust any shady DNS dragons or phishing sirens that dare cross your path. You’re like a knight in shining armor, except your armor is crafted from complicated algorithms and digital code. But then, bam! You bump into a Tracker Cookie, and let’s just say, this cookie doesn’t crumble. Turns out, this little biscuit isn’t fooled by your flashy Veil of Privacy. Tough luck, mate. Who knew browsing incognito could feel so… conspicuous? It truly is as they say, the journey through the Cyberworld can be full of ‘knightmares’ if you’re not armed with the right protection… The Veil of Privacy, much like the Holy Grail itself, is an elusive entity, not so easily won or worn. A common tale whispered amongst the citizens of Camelot is that by merely invoking the Veil, you are granted impenetrable cyber protection. But this, as many knights have learned, is a tale woven in naivety.

Yes, the Temple of [REDACTED] may disguise your trail, giving the illusion of an entirely different starting point, but it does not provide total protection from the various denizens that lurk in the Interweb Forest. There are many dangerous creatures, including the Tracker Cookies, who are not fooled by such tricks. Not to mention the sophisticated DNS dragons, phishing sirens, malware goblins, and other nefarious entities. Furthermore, there is the question of trust for the keepers of the Temple of [REDACTED] themselves, who in reality have access to all your movements.

And then there are the ’no-logs’ temples. Ah, the irony! Temples promising to protect your privacy while tucked away in lands where the cyber laws are as lax as a jester on a Sunday. They make grand promises, “We’ll protect your privacy. We won’t keep scrolls of your journey.” Yet, here’s the twist. They’re like the knights who promise to slay the dragon but haven’t ever seen one up close.

Sure, a ’no-logs’ promise sounds tempting. Almost as tempting as the Holy Grail itself. But who are we kidding? It’s as elusive as a sober minstrel at the royal feast. Even the most loyal knights can’t be sure of these promises. It’s a bit like asking a fox to guard the henhouse, then hoping it won’t get peckish.

The bottom line is, trust in the Cyberworld is like trying to find a needle in a haystack - if the haystack was the size of Camelot and the needle was actually a tiny, invisible code. It’s less ’trust and verify’ and more like ‘hope for the best and probably still get tracked’.

But fear not, noble seekers of the Cyberworld, for not all is deceit and trickery. There are those Temples which have chosen the path of openness, with scriptures written for all to see. Their scripts, open to scrutiny by the wise wizards of the realm, can add a glimmer of trust to their promises. Yet, do not let down your guard. Even the most transparent of Temples may have secret chambers hidden from sight.

The trustworthy Temples undertake frequent audits, conducted by the independent cyber-sages. This regular scrutiny, if displayed openly, does provide an inkling of credibility to their claims. Yet, trust is ultimately a matter of proof. As the tales tell, only when a Temple withstands the test of the Law Makers, refusing to surrender any scrolls of their patrons, does it earn its place among the trusted.

Finally, the trustworthy Temples employ pretty canaries which chirp a beautiful song for all throughout the interweb to hear, and act as an alert signal, for when they stop chirping you know that something bad has happened.

In the land of Camelot, the Temple of [REDACTED] shields your cyber voyage from the prying eyes of lurking monsters. Yet, only when it successfully defends itself against the Law Makers, refusing to yield any scrolls of their patrons, can it truly be deemed trustworthy. The tests of the Law Makers are akin to the unplanned inspections of the royal kitchens. If they emerge unscathed, their honor is without question.

Alas, worthy knights, heed this warning: even the Temple of [REDACTED] cannot fully ward off the dangers of the Cyberworld alone. You must arm yourself with other protective charms, like encrypted message scrolls, safe browsing incantations, and the latest fortifications for your devices. For the quest for privacy is a relentless voyage, not a singular battle, and you must guard your sacred secrets with ceaseless diligence. Now, I know this metaphor is getting as stretched as Lancelot’s workout tunic, but stay with me.

Imagine you’re trotting along, confident in your protective Veil of Privacy, feeling like a knight having just slain a mighty dragon. Suddenly, you encounter a group of crafty scribes who are keen to learn more about your trusty steed. Unbeknownst to you, these scribes, armed with their feather quills and parchments, have devised a clever trick to learn more about you - they’ve mastered the arcane art of ‘browser fingerprinting’. It’s like they’ve taken a page right out of Merlin’s spellbook.

You might be thinking, “But I’m wearing my Veil of Privacy. I’m untraceable.” Nice try, but these scribes can sketch an intricate portrait of your digital steed with frightening accuracy, right down to the last stroke. They collect information about your steed’s unique setup, scribble it onto their scrolls, and voila - you’ve been fingerprinted.

Who knew that beneath the invisibility cloak of your Veil of Privacy, your steed’s unique details could still be etched onto a scroll, leaving a digital fingerprint as distinctive as a royal seal? It’s like sneaking into the castle for a covert mission, only to have your face painted by the court artist as you tiptoe past. So much for being incognito, huh?

But fear not! Remember, even King Arthur faced challenges in his quest for the Holy Grail. As the dwellers of the Cyberworld, we too must arm ourselves with knowledge and the right tools. After all, it’s better to be a knight prepared for battle than a jester unaware of the lurking threats.

Unconvinced? The wizardly fellowship at the Electronic Freedom Foundation created a magical artifact that reveals your scroll viewer’s fingerprint, showing how effortlessly the scribes can trace you. Many more such enchantments exist, providing even more precise data. And to our scholarly knights and wizard friends, merely sealing the Javascript spell scroll is NOT sufficient to thwart them.

You may be tempted to seek refuge, but it may not prove to be easy, as some sneaky merchants have who have learned the craft of Tracking, have started companies such as Fingerprint to other companies. And alas, while some procedures may shield you within a single browser or machine, when faced with the omnipotent Google’s spell, they all fall short.

Those from the realm of Europa may shout in despair, “What about the Golden Data Protection Rune (GDPR)?” Yet, the unfortunate reality is that this decree offers little sanctuary from these powerful spells, even if you besiege tracking companies daily with requests to eradicate your traces.

GDPR, a decree in the laws of Europa designed to grant citizens control over their personal scrolls, has failed to deliver on its promise. Its enforcement relies heavily on citizens actively engaging in combat for their privacy rights, every single day, a battle many are ill-equipped to fight. Furthermore, it is distressingly vague, leading to varied interpretations and applications, with some companies even risking penalties rather than abiding by it. This lack of clarity allows scribes to continue their tracking incantations largely undisturbed.

Gather round, dear readers, as we delve into the dark mysteries that should send shivers down the spine of any wanderer in the Cyberworld. These shadowy scribes, the tracking companies, possess mystical scrolls that hold more knowledge about you than you could ever fathom. Their arcane sight transcends the confines of the Interweb Forest, predicting your next steps based on past wanderings. When coupled with the arcane arts of browser fingerprinting and cross-device tracking, ’tis akin to bearing an enchanted compass that broadcasts your tale to any who choose to listen.

A sinister trend emerges from the gloomy depths - a blending of online data with that gathered from loyalty scrolls, golden credit talismans, and such, painting a frightfully accurate portrait of your life. Such infernal data mingling allows them to surmise aspects of your life that you’ve not intentionally unveiled. Consider this, dear reader: do you desire an unknown shadow to be privy to your ailments, political views, or coin purse’s weight simply because you traded for a certain item, visited a peculiar scroll, or tread a particular path?

This may strike you as a dystopian tale, but alas, it is the grim reality of the digital realm we dwell in. Each step in the physical world, each click in the Cyberworld, every scroll we peruse, is potentially etched into the annals of time, scrutinized, and employed without our explicit consent. And the mystical protections offered by VPNs, spell-blockers, private browsing enchantments, or even the golden GDPR Rune, fall short of providing complete sanctuary.

Fear, powerful though it is, should not push us into paranoia or lead us to forsake the Cyberworld. Rather, it should incite a demand for sturdier, more effective laws, greater openness from these data-collecting entities, and drive the forging of technology designed to honor privacy. The quest for digital privacy is laden with perils, but with collective awareness and action, it’s a struggle we must not concede.

The Breaking of the Curse⌗

Initiate your journey towards liberation with these minor strides:

• Do not be beguiled by the illusion of safety provided by a VPN alone. It’s a sturdy shield, much like Sir Lancelot’s, but even he needed his sword and armor.
• Employ ad banishers and tracker deterrents like the uBlock origin. (Fear not, dear reader, these are not the grail you’re stealing but simply a magic tool you’re wielding.)

Why did the Ad-Block Knight get kicked out of the Cyberworld ball?
Because every time someone tried to make a banner announcement, he immediately shut them down!

• Wield a browser armed with the right privacy charms, akin to Merlin’s spellbook (an upcoming scroll will guide you on this.)
• Employ DNS over HTTPS, with a self-controlled DNS guardian. You may choose from the Knights of the Round Table: Pi Hole, AdGuard Home, or Serverless DNS.
• Seek the aid of privacy-centric scroll-finding mystics like DuckDuckGo or Brave Search. A more formidable, but highly involving alternative is SearXNG, the Guinevere of search engines.
• Employ privacy shields for certain scrolls, as though you’re cloaking Excalibur. Opt for Yattee or FreeTube for Youtube. For Twitter, Nitter is your ally, like Galahad in a Twitter joust.
• Advocate for your comrades to switch to encrypted magical signed scrolls like Signal or the Matrix Protocol, as secretive as a meeting in the Round Table.
• Build your own bastions, like constructing Camelot brick by brick, using tools like Mail-in-a-Box or NextCloud.
• SSeek the protection of the Tor network for anonymous wandering, but remember, not all who wander are lost, just ask Sir Percival.
• Be vigilant of the traces you leave behind and strive to reduce them, like a wise Merlin covering his magical tracks.
• Regularly review and tighten the privacy spells on all your accounts and contraptions, as though you’re sharpening Excalibur.
• Rely on a password guardian to conjure and safeguard complex passphrases, like Merlin guarding Arthur’s destiny, such as Bitwarden or KeePassXC.
• Employ two-factor authentication (2FA) where possible. Even King Arthur had his shield and sword. Consider physical tokens like YubiKey or your password guardian’s 2FA abilities over the insecure scrolls of SMS verification.
• Opt for the use of Passkeys over passwords. They’re like secret passages in Camelot’s castle walls.
• Venture forth into the realm of Linux, a land of unparalleled freedom. King Arthur would say “it’s like Camelot, but without the constant dragon attacks!” Be warned, you may adopt the attributes of a penguin.
• Regularly refresh all your spells and tools, just as Merlin might update his incantations, to ensure you bear the latest protection wards.
• Exercise restraint when sharing personal tales online, like the knights held their tongues about the location of the Holy Grail.
• Educate yourself on the dark arts of social engineering, to guard against Morgana’s tricks and how to detect them.

Lastly, remember that absolute privacy is as elusive as the Holy Grail. Strive for sensible compromises that fit your journey and threats you face, but remember that there is always something more you can do.