Before we start: No, this blog is not going to turn into a pro apple blog, and while I am excited about some of this, it doesn’t change some of the bad things that apple has done when it comes to privacy, which I will delve into in a post next week.

Ahoy, brave knights of the virtual Camelot, gather ‘round the virtual Round Table, and let’s dive headfirst into this hootenanny of a confab about the latest WWDC. I’ll be your Tux-adorned, FOSS-touting, Lancelot of Linux, galloping through this enchanted realm with an open-source shield and a penguin-emblazoned crest!

Now, put on your silly hats, because Apple has just broken the sound barrier and possibly several laws of physics by stuffing a ludicrous 192 GB of unified memory into a machine made for everyday folks. I mean, it’s like serving a whole roast pig for a toddler’s meal! It’s an epic raspberry blown at NVIDIA, those tech behemoths who could easily be seen as schoolyard bullies. I’ll take this as a giant FUCK YOU to NVIDIA in particular, even if it wasn’t intended as an attack on them. As a Linux lad, this move had my jaw hitting the floor faster than a segfaulting server. I won’t fib to you; this blew my socks off - and I wasn’t even wearing any!

Next up, let’s address the elephant in the room. And by elephant, I mean iPhone. Yes, I, a card-carrying member of the Linux Legion, use an iPhone. I’ll just wait for you to scrape your jaws off the floor… Done? Good. Now, let’s look at the new Poster feature for calls - it’s a nifty addition that has my FOSS-loving antennae wiggling. And they’ve made it chummy with CallKit, which really cranks up the intrigue. Apple also unrolled Live Voicemail, complete with real-time on-device transcription, a stroke of genius I must applaud. But then there’s the laugh-inducing update to iMessage’s search filters. Apple, welcome to 2015. You’re only eight years late, but who’s counting?

But strap on your helmets, folks. The real showstopper is the advent of the Transformer model on iOS. This is where Apple yells “Shields up!” and snares my undivided attention. An autocorrect that actually gets what I’m trying to say? I’ll miss those hysterical autocorrect fails, but I’m game. And this new journal feature? I’m poking fun at it now, but who knows, tomorrow, I might be scribbling my thoughts there like a tech-savvy Nostradamus.

Now, let’s chat about the iPad. At first, the lock screen banter nearly sent me scurrying back to my Jellyfin to watch some actual entertaining content.

But then they mixed machine learning into the brew, and, Apple, you’ve got my penguin-perked ears pricked again. It was about time Health made a grand entrance on iPadOS, and the Stage Manager finally got a much-needed spotlight. PDFs though? Are we back in the time of Merlin?

Then there’s macOS Sonoma, pulling a veritable Excalibur from the stone. Widgets, gaming galore, and a bounty of video conferencing tools - it’s like a medieval techno-fair! But Apple, screensavers? Really? I thought those went extinct back when I was juggling my ancient Windows XP CD-ROMs. I’m getting flashbacks to the digital Dark Ages!

Next in line is Safari, donning its battle armor and raising the flag. The introduction of new privacy features, profiles, and support for migrating webapps to Mac shows that you’re certainly not resting on your laurels. That’s a commendable level of innovation. But among these enhancements, the one that really stands out, the star of the show, so to speak, is the sharing of passkeys. Even as a committed Linux user, I find myself giving a nod of approval. It’s clear you’re not taking a nap under the apple tree, As a Linux loyalist, I doff my hat to you, privacy is the most important thing in today’s day and age.

Last but not least, let’s discuss Apple TV, which is now welcomed into the Facetime family. This may not be an earth-shattering accomplishment, but it’s a solid step in the right direction and is still worthy of some applause.

But let’s cut to the chase. The real pièce de résistance, the Holy Grail:

Apple Vision Pro⌗

Apple, it’s like you’ve guzzled down a potion of Tony Stark-ness and conjured up the Apple Vision Pro. This AR headset is so astonishing it left this penguin-clad crusader gobsmacked. And, just between us, it’s the cyberpunk fantasy I’ve been secretly daydreaming about since the days of the Oculus DK1.

Apple, you technological Merlin, this could either be the most glorious spell you’ve ever cast or a cataclysmic misfire. No pressure though!

All jokes aside, Vision Pro is apparently piloted by your eyes, hands, and voice. What kind of sorcery is this? And EyeSight? Awful name, should’ve been iSight, but I digress. The idea of projecting your eyes and expressions on the outer display is… intriguing. Yes, I’m smirking, but let’s get real - I can’t wait to give this a whirl.

Then they dropped the bombshell - you can bring your macOS screen into Vision Pro. This is nothing short of a game changer! It’s like they took VNC and injected it with some seriously potent tech steroids.

3D camera, you say? Oh, Apple, of course it’s 3D. You’re not fooling anyone with that. But then they started talking about immersive movies, TV shows, spatial computing, and I swear, I could hear choirs of techno-angels serenading. This is how entertainment should be! The Disney bit had me in a pickle though. It’s out of this world, but I’d rather it didn’t have Mickey Mouse’s paw prints all over it considering the kind of company they are. But I will gladly download that content and enjoy it anyways.

Then Apple drops the comedic bombshell: “We studied thousands of heads”. I nearly choked on my tea. Oh, Apple, you glorious oddballs.

The Linux community may be known for being tough to impress, but today, Apple, you had me at “mixed reality headset”. Take my money, I’m ready to ride the Vision Pro wave. Just don’t disappoint, okay?

Hold up! There’s more about this Apple Vision Pro that’s got this Linux aficionado grinning from ear to ear.

The display resolution had me seeing stars - 5120x4096 per eye? More pixels than a 4K TV per eye? Apple, I feel like I’m caught in some high-res fever dream.

Battery life, though, was a bit of a letdown. Two hours with an external battery, or all-day use if it’s plugged in. A little disappointing, yes, but come on, who are we kidding? That was expected.

Now, let’s talk about the new R1 chip paired with that beastly M2 chip. Apple’s certainly putting in the extra elbow grease to make this thing work, and I have to say, I’m looking forward to seeing what this dual-processor combo can do.

And here’s the kicker - the AR Persona. Apple, you’ve outdone yourself this time. A digital avatar that’s human and realistic? Sign me up! I’ve always wanted to star in my own version of Ready Player One.

Oh. My. Penguins! I need to sit down for this. Apple just dropped another bombshell that sent this Linux devotee’s heart into overdrive - iOS apps are already supported on the Apple Vision Pro! This is next-level sorcery!

Now, I’m a staunch Linux user, mind you, and my relationship with Apple has been complicated, to say the least. But when the tech giant takes a step that sounds like something straight out of a cyberpunk novella, I can’t help but put on my party hat.

To say that I’m excited about this would be an understatement. This is like the holy grail of tech, the pièce de résistance of the digital world. I’ve got my fingers crossed that this doesn’t turn out to be a gimmick. But if it does pan out…wow, just wow.

Apple, you’ve got my attention, and that’s saying something. The fact that iOS apps can already run on this headset is a game changer. I can’t wait to see what this opens up in terms of possibilities.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick up my jaw from the floor and start saving up for this piece of future tech. And who knows? I might even find myself whispering “Siri” instead of typing “sudo” in the not-so-distant future.

Now, the price tag is out and it’s $3499 for the Apple Vision Pro. I know what you’re thinking: “That’s a king’s ransom!” But bear with me, from a hardcore Linux loyalist’s perspective, it’s a steal for what you’re getting.

We’re talking about a gadget that’s essentially a portable wormhole to the future. It’s a mixed reality headset with an AR persona, retina-scanning tech (which is mind-blowing and a smidge creepy), and iOS apps are already onboard. Not to mention the “more pixels than a 4K TV per eye” thing, which is just plain bonkers.

Apple’s always had a reputation for princely prices, but this… this seems fair for the magic they’re offering.

Am I raiding my treasure chest right now? Not yet. There’s still a year to go, but I’ll be keeping one eye on the Vision Pro (no pun intended). Your move, Apple. Let’s see if you can convince this Linux lover to buy into your walled garden.

So, the final verdict from this Linux knight? Excitement is bubbling over! Apple Vision Pro, you’ve got me, hook, line, and sinker. Now I just need to figure out how to wrangle one…

Post Scriptum
I wrote this very quickly and those are my first reactions, I was literally writing notes during the presentation and only took spend 30 minutes turning it into an actual post, so I will probably write a better more thought out article in a week or so.